The question still lingering is “If I am supposed to love one and all, why do I hate people around me? Why does the loved one seem out of reach?” It is not my wish to be the opposite. I do want to conform to my “true nature”, dharma. Trust me on this. But something catches me, unaware.
Why do people behave in unexpected and undesirable ways? Don’t they care about my thoughts? Can they not satisfy my wish? After all, these are my “own” people I am talking about. I did not expect this from them! Is that why I feel all the anger swell and burst open? What comes out are little sentiments that sneak into my brain, overpowering me. I am beside myself with the hand raising and loud voices. I suffer through a series of violent reactions but I can hardly stop myself. I obviously, get carried away while I am at it. After the cyclone of emotions die down, I am drained mentally and physically and an emptiness grows inside.
What was so important to achieve ? What was I thinking ? Why was I acting like that ? The more I think , the more complicated the web of conspiracy that unfolds. I can feel the sticky threads clinging on no matter how hard I try to get them off. “A clean slate! A FRESH START!!”, a small voice cries out from within. “As long as you drag the past along , you are a prisoner of your actions.”
Sometimes, it happens in life that a person hits a rock bottom. Everything had tumbled in the wrong direction and led him to a place, where it finally dawned upon him that all this was not really worth it. He stops thinking back and looks around. He can see the surroundings in a different light. It is as if an entirely different world opens up to him. There are such fun things to do that he had not discovered. He has become a new person. Why did he never come across such sweet people before?
The new people he meets and the new rules of this world grow upon him. Slowly and steadily they become familiar and it feels like his own. Could things be any better? Is it only then that a small question pops in his mind? “If I am supposed to love one and all, why do I hate people around me ? Why does the loved one seem out of reach ?”…..